My Story

            I started this blog to help me with processing what has all happened in my life.  It is hopefully going to be a way for me to help deal with what is happening very soon.  The man, who murdered my child (ren), is being released from prison and I just do not know how I am supposed to handle the pain and heartache. 

I should probably give you some background information. 

My name is Bobbie, I was a young mom, and I was 16.  When I got pregnant I was really blind to the way of the world.  I can truthfully say I did not even understand the basics of how it happened.  I can say I was in LOVE.   Kyle was a wonderful person, the kind of person you could count on to take care of you.  Just after my 17th birthday I gave birth to a beautiful little boy, Kyle and I had named him Clay Brian.  I was so happy, or I thought I was.  I thought life was perfect and nothing would change that.  Soon after giving birth to Clay I was pregnant again the children were going to be 13 months apart.  I guess I still did not understand how this pregnancy thing happened and I could not go to my parents to talk about this. 

My dad was able to work it out for me to stay in high school, so I was in the middle of my senior year, with one child and another on the way.  Kyle and I had plans for us to be married that summer, he was going to go to college and I was going to work.  At that time I did not know what I wanted to do for a career path.  Clay stayed between my house in town and Kyle's family’s house out of town.  He took care of Clay when I went to school and worked overnights. 

 Our life was ok, it was not perfect because I wanted to live with Kyle but my parents did not agree with that.  We were making it work though.  Then everything changed my whole life turned around. 

             On February 18, 1998 my dad left my mom.  He took us girls with him, my three sisters and I.

              Two days later Kyle was on his way home from a college visit and fell asleep at the wheel.  He passed away instantly.

My life was over, or at least I thought.  The love of my life was gone, I had a 8 month old and I was pregnant.  After I graduated high school and I had the new baby boy, which I ended up naming on my own.  Kyle and I had not talked about boys names so I had to come up with my own.  Good thing for Grandma, who helped me name him, Carl Ray. 

                I started to look for someone to help me take care of the boys.  I thought that I needed a man in my life and theirs.  That is when I met Lee (his name makes me sick).  Lee was no Kyle but I still let him in my life, or maybe he just forced himself their.  I am not even sure I wanted him around but all of a sudden I could not get rid of him.  It was not long after I met him that he incouraged me to buy a farm house.  So I found one and started to buy it. 

 Lee was also already pressuring my to have another child, Carl was not even 4 months old, and Clay was not even 18 month old, Kyle died 6 months earlier and I was just not ready to have another child.

                 One night in late March, Carl was 8 month old, I was making supper and Carl was crabby, so Lee laid him down on our bed just before supper.  After Lee went to wake him so I could feed him, but Carl would not wake up.  He looked like he was not breathing.  We were on the phone with 911 within minutes; Lee thought it would be better to meet the ambulance mid-way.  He left with Carl and I was at home with Clay, but no way to get to town.  By the time I was able to get to town Carl was gone.  Doctors said that he more in likely died of SIDS. 

                I remember the anger and hurt of losing my Carl, I started to grieve him.  I ended up starting to work a couple of weeks after Carl died.  Lee was not good at holding a job, and I did not want to lose the farm that I had purchased. 

                 Six weeks after Carl had died, in Mid-May.  After supper Clay went to bed, Lee went upstairs after we put Clay to bed, because Clay was playing and not going to sleep like he was supposed to.  I was quite mad at this because I did not see anything wrong with that.  I figured when he was tired he would go to sleep when he was ready.  Lee did not come to bed until 3am so when I got up at 6 I did not go check on Clay because I did not want to wake Clay up at such an early time.  Especially, since Lee did not go to bed until a late time. 

                At work I called home on my breaks and asked how Clay was, he told me he was still sleeping.  I thought that was funny and asked that he go check on him.  After work I went straight home, Lee met me at the door, I asked how Clay was and he told me that he was still sleeping.  I was angry that he let Clay sleep all day; I asked that he go and get him.  He brought Clay’s lifeless body down the stairs.  Clay was very pale and limp.  I was trying to get him to breathe as Lee called 911.  Nothing would work, my life was that little boy and all I wanted was for him to look at me and smile. 

                 In the weeks after Clay’s death I found out that Lee had murdered him.  My world was gone in 18 months, Kyle was gone, Carl was gone and now Clay was gone.   I fell hard into depression; Lee took a plea bargain for Clay’s Death with the knowledge that he could never be charged with Carl’s death even with the suspicion that he murdered him.  His plea bargain was for 19 years with good behavior he could be out in 13 years. 

                 That brings us to today.  Lee has been in a work release program since August of 2011 and will be released on supervised probation on February 6, 2012.  This breaks my heart, I have so much fear.  I feel like everything is happening over and over.  I wish he could stay in prison so I do not ever have to think of him.

 These years that he has been in custody I really have not thought of him.  I do not have to worry about him hurting me or another child.  That is my biggest fear, to me he murdered two children and now he is being released, and with the fact that he hurt two children who is to say he will not do it again.  It hurts me to know that men like this do not get supervised like a molester does, who is to say that he will never hurt a child again. 

Now you know the story and the pain that I have dealt with.  More to come later today is ok but what will tomorrow bring, that is my question.