Today's post is about what I have lost and what I have gained...

Today's post is about what I have lost and what I have gained...

I actually know all too well that if I hadn't lost 'My Angels' I would not have my 'Angels'.  Let me try to explain that, I have heavenly Angels the two boys that I lost so tragically and young, but I am also so blessed to have earthly Angels my five boys (hence the name of the blog).  And if I would have never lost those heavenly Angels I would not have these earthly ones, because my path was not going in that direction. 

As you can imagine the whole thought of that is difficult at best to handle.  It's picking one kid over the other, picking one path of life over the other.  I could have never chosen and do not think I ever would.

Maybe, that is where God comes in.  He makes the tough decisions for you.  Maybe his plan is something larger then I could ever imagine and I am just really a small part of that. 

15 years has really changed my view on the world.  I am learning how to live with my losses.  I am learning that I cannot change what has happened, but also learning that I would not want to miss the life that I have now.  The one with my earthly Angels in. 

It is still rough when I think of him(the man who murdered them) being out of prison.  It makes me ill when I think that he gets to live life and they did not.  I still blame myself for not seeing who he was.   

I will NEVER FORGET, but need to learn to forgive.  I actually thought I might have had that down but now am thinking I need to go back and learn how to do it again. One day at a time.

I LOVE MY ANGELS (Heavenly and Earthly)