Supervised?

I am still here and a little upset right now. The only answer I am getting about Lee being able to be around children, is that it is the parents decision.  It is the parents decision to allow him to be around their children.  Do these parents know what he did?  Why would you allow someone that spent time in prision for murder to be around your child?  What story did he tell them, to let him be near their kids? 

The whole idea of him being near kids makes me sick.

I am currently having trouble finding out if he can be around them only supervised. Which to me does not matter, when both of my children died I was in the house.  This hurts so bad to know that I was a few feet away when he took their breath away and I did not even know that he was hurting them. 

So to know that a person who murdered a child (ran) can still be around them is very disturbing.  I am going to keep looking into this, but I really do not think that is right.  If he can be around children even supervised, to me that does not seem right.  He should lose that right for life, like a child molester. 

I just really want to protect another child from this man.  I do not have a clue if he would do this again, but I do not want to risk it.

Life's Curves

Yesterday was a tough day for me.  My heart was truly ripped out after I saw Lee holding a child about the same age as my son.  I never want another parent to have to go through my pain and I truly hope that God protects that child. 

                This got me thinking about the path of life and how my path leads me to where I am in this life.  My Life and everyone else’s have paths, and these paths lead to decisions that lead to our future and sometimes the decision of someone else can really put a curve in someone else’s path. 

                Looking back at the road that leads me here today would not have come to the same place.  I would have never got the opportunity of meeting my five boys and wonderful husband.  For me this is a hard concept to grasp and many times very painful to think about.  I would not trade my five boys for my two angels, not now and not ever.

                I do spend the time that I need to grieve my angels, and some days are worse than others.  This pain is all a part of the grief that I am going through.  Just know that there are going to still be bad days and good days.  I have to grieve while Living and laughing and Loving my family.

                God put me on my path and I am sure he has some kind of plan.  I just have to work on finding out what that plan is. 

                MY PROMISE

I will never forget my two angels. 

I will never forget what Lee had done.  I know his punishment is coming, when he meets his maker.

I will be strong

I will take the time I need to be angry

I will make it through these days

And

I will make it out ok and even stronger

When you see someone in pain, no matter the pain; Love them and Listen to them, No words are needed. 

A new kind of pain

You know when I thought of him getting out of prison, I never really imagined the pain that it would cause me.  At one time I used to imagine that I would follow him around and tell people what he did.  Anyone that would come into contact with him, and I would stalk him to make sure he did not hurt another child. 

Today, for some reason I did a Facebook search, I searched his name.  Then I saw it, he was sitting on a chair smiling and holding a little girl.  A little girl that is about the age of my son, who he took away, he had a smirk on his face.  When I saw this picture my heart was ripped out.  The picture was dated when he was on work release, and now he is out of prison and on supervised probation. 

Parents should not allow him to be near a child.  The government should be protecting children from criminals like him.  I do not understand. 

Lee being released from prison is a different kind of pain.  I have always had anger, grief and guilt.  I think it is all rage now.  Rage that I want him to hurt as bad as I have for the past 12 years.

I had to ask god to forgive me for thinking that way.  

It is like I am living the nightmare all over.  I want my question answered, why did he take them in the first place? 

I just have to use the strength, the heart, the love that I have to make it through this very difficult time.  I have to keep going, I have to keep pushing, and I have to keep living my life for my five beautiful boys.

I never thought I would have a second chance and I do and I have to just try to concentrate on that.

Does the System Work

Lee is out.  He has been on work release but now he is completely out of prision.  He is on supervised release.  I got a whole big definition of this but after what I found today.  I am not even sure that the legal system works.  I found his Facebook page, a big old picture of him holding a child.  A person who murders a child should never get the chance to feel a childs love again. 

I saw the picture and the tears, pain and heartache all flooded me.  I am scared for any child that he is around.  I am scared for that childs parent.  Please god keep her safe. 

I hope that the system gave him parenting classes.  I hope the system gave him anger management.  I hope the system did a complete mental health evaluation.  Oh I wont hold my breathe that he did any of that. 

Here is the link to his FB page.... http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F%23!%2Fprofile.php%3Fid%3D100003188580887%26sk%3Dwall&h=EAQF6fkj-

Do not give him satification of friending him.  I emailed his porole officer, I am pretty sure he will have to take it down or hide everything.