Carl

It has been a sad couple days as I am approaching the anniversary of Carl's Death.  I am not sure sometimes that I ever got a chance to greive him properly, since Clay died so soon after and the world just started to spin.

Carl was a happy baby, he did have some very crabby times.  All babies do.  At 8 months old you can just start to see glimpes of personality showing through.  He would give his mom a big tooth less grin, and had this awsome belly laugh. 

When he died we thought he died of SIDS at least that is what the doctors thought.  The baby death that just happens and no one can explain why.  Yes, laying baby on back is best and Carl was layed on his back.  They say it still happens, it could happen while you are holding the baby. 

Clay was a big part of me being able to cope with Carl's death.  I would have tears in my eyes and he would do something just hilarous.  I felt in my heart that Kyle wanted to have one baby and I got the other one.  Kyle was definately going to be a great dad and he already does. 

Part of me still loves him and always will. He was my first love and my kids dad.  Some days I wonder what he thinks of me.  He probably does not like how I messed everything up. 

I do know that Carl and Clay are in a better place and are getting lots of love from all of the people who have passed before and after them.