Guilt and Anger

I thought about it today and it makes sense to change the name of my blog, from Minnesota Mom to Five Boys and Two Angels.

I am up late tonight just spent the day working on my homework. I am happy I was able to complete it in time.
 

Right now I have a lot of guilt, after hearing of the murder in Montevideo.  A girl died because a guy was obsessed over her, I wonder why Lee did not take my life.  Why did he kill the boys?  That is the question that has been haunting me since.  Yes, I know that is probably a question that I will never have answered and maybe Lee does not even know that answer. 


Guilt is a hard thing; I wonder what I did wrong, why I did not see the person that Lee was?  A lot of times I blame it on my age.  I was really young and really blind to the world.  “The world cannot hurt me” as every teen would say. 
 

After the guilt I have anger, I want him to stay in prison for the rest of his life.  He took their life why should he be able to ever have a life.  The boys are only going to be 15 and 14 this year.  There I am saying going to be, I guess I should say, would be.  You should never have to say that about your child.  Your child should always live longer then you. 
 

A Poem that helped me, maybe I should read again, I will post so you can read.

God's Loan

"I'll lend to you for a little time,

A child of mine," He said,

"For you to love the while she lives

And mourn for when she's dead.

"It may be six or seven years

Or twenty-two or three,

But will you till I call her back,

Take care of her for me?

"She'll bring her charms to gladden you

And should her stay be brief,

You'll have these precious memories

As solace for your grief.

"I cannot promise she will stay

Since all from earth return.

But there are lessons taught down there

I want this child to learn.

"I've looked this world over,

In my search for teachers true.

In the crowds that throng life's land,

I have selected you.

"Now will you give her all your love

Not think the labour vain,

Nor hate me when I come to call

To take her back again?"

It seems to me I heard them say,

"Dear Lord, thy will be done.

For all the joys a child shall bring,

The risk of grief we'll run.

"We'll shelter her with tenderness,

We'll love her while we may,

And for the happiness we've known

Forever grateful stay.

"And should the angels call for him

Much sooner than we've planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes

And try to understand."

"Let the little children come to me and do not forbid them;

for such is the Kingdom of God." Mark 10:14

Source/Author Unknown