A little more about me....

Lately, I have been pretty lucky; I started college courses, as kind of a distraction. Hopefully, I can keep up; sometimes when I have a bad day it really makes it hard to concentrate. Makes it hard for me to read study and comprehend. I think that it is just a part of the depression that I deal with. I am on an anti-depressant; I have been off and on since the kids passed away. Sometimes they help sometimes they do not. I do not think that is because of the type of medicine for me, I think it is they do not bring the boys back.

After the boys died I never thought I wanted another child. I was scared I thought that I would just lose them again and I could not handle that pain again. Then, I met my husband and he made it ok, he made me want to be a mom again.

Gosh, not many men would have wanted to stay with me. I was very emotional at the time that I met him. We would get into an argument and I would lock him out of my apartment, and this was pretty often, like every other day. It was definitely more me then him I was really scared to fall in love. I did not want to get hurt. I had only had two other people that I had serious relationships with, Kyle who died in a car accident and Lee who murdered my children. So meeting my husband and starting a relationship with him made me nervous.

The funny thing is I think that all that made our Love stronger, because I soon discovered that he was not worth fighting with because he loved me so much and he was not going anywhere. It took sometime but we ended up having 5 boys of our own. Yes, you are right I have had 7 boys, no girls. People ask me how many kids I have, it is just easier to say 5 boys but in my heart I say, "5 boys and 2 very special Angels".

Mom is missing you today and wishes that I could hold my angels just one last time, if I only knew.

Love You, Mom